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Disclaimer: None of this has any purpose. Just like every other blog.

I watched the Presidential debate last night, and I'm glad I did. For a while, I was worried about the direction this country was heading. My friends, my faith has been completely restored. My friends, it is clear that if we do not elect John McCain, my friends, we will descend into utter chaos. Penny-abortions given by the staff writers of the Times on every street corner! Terrorists using our public pools! Billions of dollars going to purchase freedom-killing telescopes in Chicago! Can you believe this, my friends? That we are this close to the brink?! My friends! John McCain is a maverick. You've seen Top Gun, right? You know who wins that movie? Tom Cruise. Fuck Val Kilmer. Val Kilmer is a Washington insider, spending your hard earned liberty-dollars on pork-barrel legislation as we sit and breathe. You're going to sit there and tell me that Barack Obama wasn't the cause of 9/11? His middle name is "Hitler". Barack "Hitler" Obama. That is unelectable. You know John McCain's middle name? "POW". Just the sound, "POW". That spells experience. America needs experience. America needs experience more than ever now. My friends, experience is the most important thing in the history of the planet. Not just experience the concept, but the tangible object. We need experience points. We need them. To level-up our country. You just cannot elect a mere Lvl. 47 Obama to run this country. He doesn't even know Flamethrower yet. A Lvl. 72 McCain however, that's power you can trust. He earned his levels fighting in the high-grass of Vietnam. Barack Obama rare-candied his way to the top. My friends, I'm running out of time. However, the only way you're going to red-light my ass off of this internet is if you pry this keyboard from my cold, dead, white, Conservative, Christian, veteran, ancient skeletal handclaws.

I am so sorry.

PS - Blogger recommends that I label this post. However, it's suggestions are: scooters, vacation, fall. Who the fuck is writing a post that includes those three things? I understand fall and vacation, but scooters? Who is that guy? "Well fuck my ass, Columbus day is comin' up again, better break out the Razor? What?

PPS - I'm that guy.