XV

I started watching Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution on Hulu today, and after imbibing several glasses of 12 dollar red wine I figured I should tell everyone about what the show is about. Basically, after trying to make English school lunches healthy and practical he decided to try his hand at doing the same in the States. However, he chose Huntington, WV as his destination. This was his first mistake. Huntington, WV is considered the unhealthiest city in the nation, and it's located in the part of America that I like to call the "ignorant and proud of it" belt. Or to be more politically correct, the "mostly ignorant and proud of it" belt. The combination of these two things make this city horrifying to see on internet television, mainly 'cause of the ignorance and fat. I guess mostly 'cause of the fat. And the worst part is that in high school, I ate a bunch of the same stuff. Even though I usually brought my lunch, I definitely packed away a decent amount of breakfast sandwiches in my day at that institution. Packed up in foil, these cholesterol-bombs consisted of some kind of egg, a coaster shaped patty of sausage, a cheese square, wrapped up in a bagel or some kind of English muffin product. The weird thing was that these little guys tasted like a million blowjobs. I have a theory now that this had to do with the concentration of sugar and salt.

I don't want to summarize the whole show, because you should definitely watch it yourself, but these parents, and these lunchladies, and these administrators don't really know anything about what their kids are putting into their tiny fat bodies. Not to remove all blame from those little pigs. They didn't even know that french fries came from potatoes. Maybe instead of having this show about Huntington, WV we should just start using all of the people that live there as fuel for the country as a whole. Wind or solar power do seem like the most Earth conscious options, but I think that Southern energy really might have a shot. We'd have to start producing really big hamster wheels hooked up to turbines for these people to run on, but I don't think that production of goods is really a problem for our country. After we have all of the wheels connected to power plants, we would bring all of these people down and show them the set-up. Then we'd try to convince them to start running on the wheels in order to lose weight. If they refused, we'd burn them like coal. I really think that this option has potential. That might be the wine talking.

I feel like this post took a turn for the cruel at the end. Sorry.

XIV

Fuck me blah blah blah, haven't updated this in a while blah blah blah, no one reads this blah blah blah. It's hard to keep this updated regularly when life consists of reading books, going to class, and drinking. Maybe I'm just a colossal pussy. Maybe a combination of those.

Anyways, my last post was November 9th, 2009 and I think I was writing about how the educational system is bullshit and further how the more we learn the more there is to know and so we can't actually know anything and then I figured out that it was almost impossible to jerk off while simultaneously typing so I stopped. Also, further on that point, summoning the will to jerk off is incredibly difficult while wallowing in abject nihilism. Shallow optimism however, very compatible with rationalizing internet pornography because hey, if it makes you happy why the hell not. Shallow optimism is also very compatible with Netflix, listening to Podcasts, using plastic bags at the supermarket even though you have reusable ones that you're just too stupid to remember to bring, playing the lottery, making lists of things that you intend to do but not actually making any tangible moves to attain those goals, and a whole host of other things that I like to engage in these days. As an offshoot of that, those Facebook fan groups that consist of a long, exceptionally vague sentence like "it gets awkward when you're watching a movie with your parents and a sex scene comes on" or "i've thought about punching you in the face so many times..." or "regretting something so much it makes you sick" or the host of other remarkably erudite slices of life are physically hurting me. Half of them are things that no one should reasonably be a fan of, and the others are things that people should be embarrassed for being fans of. You're a fan of watching sex scenes with your parents? Who are probably on Facebook now? Trying to connect with old friends from high school but more realistically getting a heaping helping of pictures of their progeny boozing, barfing on dicks, and passing out? Luckily opening up Facebook releases a chemical out of your computer speakers that immediately renders all people that were alive when Lyndon Baines Johnson was passing legislation completely unable to navigate the interweb. Honestly though, I think that the technology associated with social networking is incompatible with people that were born in the 50s. However, this inability on the part of the baby-boomers does result in less people joining those fucking fan pages. The movies that they watched with their parents didn't have sex scenes. They didn't even have fucking sound.

Also, looks like this hot piece of ass is insured until he is 26. Which is awesome. I haven't really had time to milk the system too much yet 'cause of this college thing, but once I graduate it's going to be easy street. Lipitor milkshakes, Chantix sundaes, and Viagra pancakes for this guy. Also, I'm going to start taking WebMD seriously and I'm going to encourage all of my friends to do the same. That mole on your arm? Cancer. That cough you have? Pneumonia. That scab on your knee? Leprosy. The government better fucking take down that god damn site or there's going to be negative two hundred flagillion dollars sucked out of health care. On a more serious note, conservative Republicans can go fucking choke on dicks. ABSOLUTELY ZERO FORESIGHT. Conservatives in general seem to be lacking in that respect. Really? Things are going to stay the same forever? Awesome, let me jump in my polio wagon and head down to the lynching. Fucking idiots. Gay marriage destroys the sanctity of the institution of marriage! Can you even imagine a modern country in the next 20 years not having gay marriage legal? It's laughable. And these (largely) white, (largely) old chodes think that they're going to stand resolutely against this coming "radicalism" forever? Let's kick their walkers out from under them and push them down some fucking escalators. Get out of the way, we're all gay Ecstasy junkies that know how use Facebook and are REALLY pissed about how you spent all of the money on fucking war.


Been reading: Kurt Vonnegut - Breakfast of Champions, Graham Swift - Shuttlecock

Been listening: Titus Andronicus - The Monitor, Free Energy - Stuck on Nothing

Been watching: Paul Newman movies, and anything but Tool Academy III


PS - This could've been longer, but I'm trying to save some chi for more writing